Desert Rain for Living
Rocks for Breakfast!
by Cindy Atchley
I felt sorry for my husband. Granted, I am rarely in a bad mood. Although I am not exactly a super-bubbly personality, I do tend to be an “up” kind of person. I am happy. Usually.
This particular morning I was as out-of-sorts as I’d ever known. Everything was an irritant. It started the moment I woke up.
I went outside to enjoy the quiet dawn. Quiet? Not this day! This day, even at the early hour, traffic over the overpass half a mile away seemed to be running at rock-concert decibels. I hated the roar of the motorcycles, the obnoxious racket of the semis. Then the AC kicked on…which is right next to the patio. It’s no small unit, but a monster of a thing. Heaving with near-tangible disgust at the disruption of my quiet morning, I stomped back into the house.
I was discontent.
Once back inside, the recurring desire for a cool, green, damp climate reared its head. “And I am,” I thought, “stuck in a searing hot, brown, bone dry climate!” I was incredibly angry over it.
I was discontent.
At breakfast I stared down at the prescription medicine cocktail I take every morning. I remembered, not for the first time, how I used to take nothing more than my daily vitamins. Now, tears filled my eyes as I again felt the weariness of taking so much medicine hit. Oh, how tired I was of taking it. And the thought that I will have to take it the rest of my life, in addition to thrice-weekly injections, filled me with dread and anger. What happened to my natural lifestyle? What happened to my health? I sat there at the table and cried.
I was discontent.
My husband couldn’t please me, ‘though he made valiant efforts.
That day it just didn’t seem to matter what the issue was, I griped about it. I did not feel like myself. I was so miserable that I wanted to just go back to bed and start over the next day, hopefully in a better mood.
But I had life to deal with. Going back to bed was not an option.
I am glad God hears my heart even when my voice does not call out to Him. I am glad He speaks to me, directs me, sees through my moods.
At some point during the day my mind went to my gratitude journal. I have, for a long time, kept an almost-daily account of things I am glad for. Sometimes they are the same things, over and over. Sometimes there are unusual blessings. But even if I have nothing new to note, I still write down whatever comes to heart and mind. I do this in the morning and, at times, also in the evening.
With a bad attitude, feeling like I had every right to feel as angry as I did, I nonetheless picked up my gratitude journal. I began reading it. And was struck by how very much I have to be thankful for. I had noted things like my husband, home, horses, family, friends, church, plenty of food, clean water, a washing machine & dryer, a dishwasher, a fridge, plenty of clothes, a God Who loves me, my Bible, my garden, my pond and fountain, reliable vehicles, Steve’s job (‘til recently), the gift of a travel trailer for my husband, the laughter of my granddaughters…I read and read several months worth of entries.
And the more I read the more I realized that while my life may not exactly be my personal ideal, I have a God Who has provided for me. I have blessings that a great many people in this world do not. Peace filled me as I again acknowledged God’s infinite love, His divine providence in my illness, His divine providence in my husband’s job loss, His divine providence in moving me to this place. And the famous verse, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance” floated through my head.
Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in. Philippians 4:11 (NAS).
As many of us know, Paul wrote this from prison. He then expounds a little further on his statement.
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. Philippians 4:12 (NAS)
Paul had known abundance and being needy. But being in prison was surely among the hardest of his difficulties! His life was threatened. And yet, he says he learned to be content in all circumstances.
And just what is the secret to contentment in such dire situations? For, I figured, if Paul could be content in prison, his circumstance, then surely I can be content in mine. After all, I am not in prison, my very life in danger. I’m just in a bad mood. I feel like I had rocks for breakfast.
I found the secret in the next verse, well-known to most Christians.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 (NAS).
All things? Yes, I was assured. According to God’s infallible Word, all things. I can get through this difficult period of life, when Steve is out of work with few if any job prospects, when my personal routine is thrown off track, when it is unclear what will happen to our health care when the insurance runs out. And I can certainly get over this dark mood! I can know that God is good, He is love, He is my strength. Will everything turn out as I want? I don’t know. But I know that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Yes, it was good to read my gratitude journal. But it was even better to be able to read in God’s Word His message to me, His gift of encouragement.
So, did I become happy about all my circumstances? No. But suddenly I was no longer unhappy about them, either. I was content.